Words of Spinach

If you heard the Popeye trumpet theme, would you puff up your chest and flex a bit? Would your biceps begin to bulge with an extra dose of adrenaline just by hearing the music or by seeing a can of spinach come to the rescue? That’s pretty much what it felt like yesterday when my oncologist said my 6-month scans were totally clean.

While my strength has never been better and we fully expected those life-giving words, there still was an unspoken weight of uncertainty heading into another round of scans. Which will likely always be the case until the doc says I don’t need to come in anymore (usually after 2 years for scans since the odds of cancer coming back decline dramatically at that point) or forevermore (which I’m told is 5 years from the end of treatment). So I have another 6 months before we have to go back to the Clinic (Lord willing), and we are overwhelmingly grateful for the good news.

To be honest, I actually think I take my own gratefulness for granted. Or at least I don’t think about it nearly as often as I should. It’s easy to complain or grumble about the annoying little things in our daily grind sometimes more than the big hairy Blutos staring us down. Or our nasty and defiant Goliaths if you’d prefer a different and taller (and more biblical) metaphor. While I’m often quick to criticize or acknowledge the negative ankle-biters in my world, why am I so slow or stubborn to praise the positive?

So after I fell asleep super early last night (guaranteed before my own parents even ate dinner), I abruptly woke up at 1 am. And not because I was anxious or wrestling with anything, which is usually the culprit of my insomnia (and likely most of us who battle with Bluto in the wee hours). It was because I was feeling an extra dose of gratitude, which was the equivalent of a midnight snack of spinach.

I started writing down my thoughts at the beginning of my cancer journey (thanks to my brilliant sister-in-law who gave me a timely journal). This has been super helpful for me to process and track key moments and memories over the last 12 months, which then filter further into my prayers or petitions. I’m not talking long prose journals – just ongoing things that pop into my head either via conversation, reading, podcasting, or just daydreaming (which is becoming a constant state for me like I’m in 7th grade science again). While new journals are starting to sprout up for different purposes (such as one for business, another for content), last night I was convicted to start a gratitude journal.

Funny thing is that I actually wrote this down in my current journal at the beginning of May. It’s just taken me 3 months to act on this nudge thanks to my early morning musings. But as I’ve learned many times, it’s never too late to begin or pursue something new. A gratitude journal makes sense not only as I’m now on the other side of clean scan #2 but also as I’m 2 days away from the other side of 40. And as I begin to pour out my bucket of gratitude, I’m quickly realizing it’s a gushing waterfall of delightful blessings.

And that’s not just despite the struggles of the last year – in most ways it’s because of our trials. In fact, we’ve had a few moments to look back at the last 5+ years and are just now realizing that the common theme for us has been crisis. This started with my wife’s health as she was diagnosed with Lyme’s disease (which is still an ongoing fight) followed by major curve balls at our church over a multi-year period. Throw cancer and a career pivot on top, and it would make sense to feel a bit upside down.

But I’ve never felt more right-side up, especially now that I have the breathing room to actually watch my own cartoon back. And it’s awesome if not a bit nostalgic already. There have been and continue to be days where it feels like we’ve been handed some lit dynamite, but we’re still standing tall like Bugs Bunny and pals even if we get caught flat-footed when the fuse seems to go off.

This is where gratitude and thankfulness pay huge dividends. My favorite 2 verses in the Bible are sandwiched with thankfulness as the key ingredient around prayer and peace. “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6-7).

And there’s the spinach smoothie for my soul, and it tastes so good. Crisis, Bluto?? Nice try. “I’m strong to the fin-ich cause I eats my spin-ach,” and I yam what I yam because of I Am. Cue the trumpets.